Amateur vs. Professional Writing: A tongue-in-cheek comparison

writersThose of us who are writers understand “the job.”  Like any other profession, being a writer involves the shattering of certain images and stereotypes, and certainly requires a serious sense of humor.  Here are some “amateur vs. professional” anecdotes which illustrate a writer’s life in a lighthearted, albeit accurate, way.

AMATEUR WRITER:  I’m going create this amazing universe full of colorful characters!  It’s going to be fresh, new and fun!  People are going to flock to this story like mice to cheese.

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  The next person to send me a nastygram about edits I made three days ago gets throat punched.

AMATEUR WRITER:   I can write a novel that’s even better than “The Hunger Games,” “Twilight,” “Divergent” and “The Expanse.”

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  *looking at clock* Grrrr *looking at clock* AGH! *looking at clock* F*** it, I quit!

AMATEUR WRITER:  I just need to clean up this story a little.  Spell check will do the trick.

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  WTF???  Did someone slice their wrist on my manuscript?  And what the hell is this note about “smirking?”

AMATEUR WRITER:  I love writing.  It’s my favorite thing to do.  I’ve been writing since I was a child.  I write poetry, short stories, and all sorts of stuff.

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  I’m going to find a quite corner of the universe and just alternate between crying, screaming and sleep for…oh, a bazillion years.

AMATEUR WRITER:  Documentary writing is easy.  It’s basically just a glorified term paper and those you just need time and patience.  There’s nothing to it.


AMATEUR WRITER:  I’ve got this great idea for a script.  It’s a wonderful tale of love during the holidays and my girlfriends think it is so sweet and they’d love to see it come to life on television.

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  If I have to watch one more hour of Hallmark Movie Channel, I swear I’m going to need a continuous drip of Xanax.

AMATEUR WRITER:  Here’s a great idea for a novel:  dystopian erotica.  It’s “Enders Game” meets “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  I’ve got a great idea for a *watching TV*…..shit, Simpsons did it!

AMATEUR WRITER:  My writing is completely, one hundred percent original.  Nobody has ever seen anything like it before.

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  *reviewing emails and comments* I wonder who and what my editors and critics are saying I’m ripping off today.

AMATEUR WRITER:  I’m a Creative Writing Major.  I’ve had poems published in my school’s literary magazine and wrote for my student newspaper.  I know what it takes to be successful and it just takes a little persistence.

PROFESSIONAL WRITER:  Well, only one more box of rejection letters left to toss in the fireplace.